Monday, October 19, 2009
Wonderboy Photographer Getty Impresses with Staggering Range of Talent
Friday, October 16, 2009
NIP/TUCK
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Map to National Treasure Found in Tattoos of Amy Winehouse
Washington, D.C. – This week, historians uncovered an elaborate set of clues believed to lead to the secret diary of colonial American seamstress Betsy Ross in the network of back-and-shoulder tattoos that adorn Amy Winehouse's more mentionable parts. Dr. Ben Gates of the Smithsonian Institution first noticed the suspicious marks in a photo he randomly found online. "I was doing a Google image search for ‘crazy sluts’ and her picture was in the results. It was a complete fluke." This discovery is significant as it is believed that Ross's diary may contain the first-known sketches of the iconic plaid now synonymous with Burberry. The illustrations would prove the American origin of the pattern and end a 150-year long dispute between the U.S. and England over proprietary rights. When asked how and where she got the tattoo Winehouse responded with, "Wha the fook er da tawking bout. Suck ma teeth mtherfker. Suck ma teeth mtherfker. Am I in Floorda?" –Carla Gugino
Monday, October 12, 2009
FASHION INDUSTRY CLASSIFIEDS
COFFEE TALK
I need someone to hold my coffee while I'm texting. $8/hr. No immigrants. rachel@rachelzoeproject.com
FRESH MEAT
Casting thin, young, white boys with prominent cheekbones, piercings, and “poor-face” for self-indulgent but brilliant vanity project. E-mail casting@hedislimane.com
JEAN TRADE
Skinny jeans for sale/trade for wideleg. Pick up only—home arrest anklet sux. AliWise@DGpr.com
HELP, CAN'T READ
SWF looking for roommate in West Hollywood, CA. Must be literate and willing to help read nutrition labels, prescription instructions,and pregnancy tests. E-mail taycantread@rachelzoeproject.com
LET'S GET PHYSICAL
Mature woman seeking partner for trapeez classes. Hoping for freindship, maybe more??? E-mail donna_karan212@earthlink.net
SUPER STEALS
Stoop sale! Vintage boots, sex swing, thousands of Sharpies for sale. Good weed too. Come to Betsey Johnson’s house, 345 Ludlow Street.
SLAVE TO THE RHYTHM
Seeking the willing to be beaten before and after sex. E-mail gracejones@blackbullet.com
THE DARKER THE BERRY
SWF seeks SBM for “deep” connection. Mail me at Elizabeth Taylor, 2404 Tremaine Road, Beverly Hills, CA 90210
Friday, October 9, 2009
McKinsey Investigation at Posen Inc. Yields Shocking Expense Report
NEW YORK — Now that McKinsey consultants are winding down their tour of Condé Nast, they’ve begun conducting investigations into the spending at Zac Posen Inc. McKinsey execs met with Posen on Monday to inquire about several alarming charges to the company's expense account. Regarding his $4,000 autographed poster of Liza with a Z! Posen exclaimed, "I need that! It's my good luck charm.” Posen was more tight-lipped about his $12,000 camcorder equipment with night vision technology and $560,000 worth of poppers. He did provide a legitimate justification for the $150,000 of Civil War–era Army uniforms: "My entire outerwear collection is based on it.” Other suspicious expenditures included $900 on male kegels equipment like ball lifts and shaft bands, plus $60,000 on puff paints from Michael’s Crafts, $20,000 on Kérastase Curl Crème, and a $29.99 yearly Manhunt membership. When asked for his thoughts on the investigation, Posen told WWWWD by phone, "I don't care. They're hot." –Anastasia Bogolepova
Check out Zac Posen's invaluable kegel lessons from The Body Issue
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sugar High Leaves Suri Cruise Crashing
LOS ANGELES – After an embarrassing scene aboard Valentino’s yacht last August, parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have checked their tot Suri into a strict no-sugar diet facility in Clearwater, Florida. “She was a complete lunatic,” explained the leathery couture designer. “She had Fruity Pebbles all over her body and was torturing my pugs." Rumors of the tot's excess first surfaced last month after she was seen downing lines of Pixie Sticks with Kingston Rossdale at the Build-A-Bear workshop at Beverly Center. "She kept screaming at the cashier to give her some Fun Dip, but we don't sell any candy here," said an employee with terrible body odor. Rossdale and Cruise were seen leaving soon thereafter on Rossdale's Power Wheels, heading to Maddox Jolie-Pitt's house where Rossdale claimed he had some "yummy rock candy." Ms. Cruise's mother, Katie Holmes, was unavailable for comment, reportedly being zapped by science beams somewhere in Los Angeles. –Nastya Lindor
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Social Butterfly Genevieve Jones to Launch New iPhone App, iNeedAttention
NEW YORK — Genevieve Jones, the socialite, jewelry designer, and fashion muse about town, has turned her talents to the technology sphere with the launch of a new iPhone application called iNeedAttention. "It would absolutely kill me when I found out I had missed an event where people were taking photographs," explains Jones. "I would think, I should have been in that photograph. That photograph would have been so much better with me in it. That girl is not as good in that photograph as I would have been. So I swore I would never have that feeling again.” That's when Jones teamed up with Alec Joernog, a leading iPhone application programmer, and created iNeedAttention. The breakthrough program finds the nearest publicity event, upscale party, or art gallery opening and tells users the fastest way to get there. The app has already caught on with the downtown society set—Amanda Lepore, Alan Cumming, Sean Lennon, and Byrdie Bell have all been known to ignore their dinner companions to use the application before suddenly leaving the table without paying the tab. –Leslie Burtynsky