Monday, October 19, 2009

Wonderboy Photographer Getty Impresses with Staggering Range of Talent

NEW YORK — “There’s nothing Getty can’t do,” exclaimed Bella editor Carolina Lindemann as she closed her October issue. “He shot our Angelina Jolie cover this month, and turned the whole thing around in a flash.” Indeed young Getty has taken the fashion world by storm, landing the last three covers of Vanity Fair as well as the Fall 2009 Donna Karan campaign. “Getty is at the top of the list,” said Dennis Freedman, the creative director of W. “He travels all over the world, and his range is incredible—he can shoot still-life, portraits, fashion,or landscape. Oh, and the lightbox option is a whiz!” The young rock-star snapper is a regular in gossip columns,where tales of his debauched nights with beautiful supermodels run rampant. But he’s also known for getting down to business. One anonymous editor has championed Getty since the beginning, crediting his success to fantastic organization skills. “That’s why I give him all my covers. I book him for a shoot and within a minute he sends me a million options from all over the world.” –Lindsay Winkler

Friday, October 16, 2009


WWWWD asked 100 fashion editors what surgeries they covet most
34% Sexual Reassignment
25% Foot Binding
18% Vaginal Rejuvenation
11% Scrotal Smoothing
8% Restylane Injections
4% Mastectomy
3% Lip Liner Tattoo
2% Micro-micro-micro-lipo
2% Permanent Nipple Erection
1% Full Jaw Wiring

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Map to National Treasure Found in Tattoos of Amy Winehouse

Washington, D.C. – This week, historians uncovered an elaborate set of clues believed to lead to the secret diary of colonial American seamstress Betsy Ross in the network of back-and-shoulder tattoos that adorn Amy Winehouse's more mentionable parts. Dr. Ben Gates of the Smithsonian Institution first noticed the suspicious marks in a photo he randomly found online. "I was doing a Google image search for ‘crazy sluts’ and her picture was in the results. It was a complete fluke." This discovery is significant as it is believed that Ross's diary may contain the first-known sketches of the iconic plaid now synonymous with Burberry. The illustrations would prove the American origin of the pattern and end a 150-year long dispute between the U.S. and England over proprietary rights. When asked how and where she got the tattoo Winehouse responded with, "Wha the fook er da tawking bout. Suck ma teeth mtherfker. Suck ma teeth mtherfker. Am I in Floorda?" –Carla Gugino

Monday, October 12, 2009



I need someone to hold my coffee while I'm texting. $8/hr. No immigrants.


Casting thin, young, white boys with prominent cheekbones, piercings, and “poor-face” for self-indulgent but brilliant vanity project. E-mail


Skinny jeans for sale/trade for wideleg. Pick up only—home arrest anklet sux.


SWF looking for roommate in West Hollywood, CA. Must be literate and willing to help read nutrition labels, prescription instructions,and pregnancy tests. E-mail


Mature woman seeking partner for trapeez classes. Hoping for freindship, maybe more??? E-mail


Stoop sale! Vintage boots, sex swing, thousands of Sharpies for sale. Good weed too. Come to Betsey Johnson’s house, 345 Ludlow Street.


Seeking the willing to be beaten before and after sex. E-mail


SWF seeks SBM for “deep” connection. Mail me at Elizabeth Taylor, 2404 Tremaine Road, Beverly Hills, CA 90210

Friday, October 9, 2009

McKinsey Investigation at Posen Inc. Yields Shocking Expense Report

NEW YORK — Now that McKinsey consultants are winding down their tour of Condé Nast, they’ve begun conducting investigations into the spending at Zac Posen Inc. McKinsey execs met with Posen on Monday to inquire about several alarming charges to the company's expense account. Regarding his $4,000 autographed poster of Liza with a Z! Posen exclaimed, "I need that! It's my good luck charm.” Posen was more tight-lipped about his $12,000 camcorder equipment with night vision technology and $560,000 worth of poppers. He did provide a legitimate justification for the $150,000 of Civil War–era Army uniforms: "My entire outerwear collection is based on it.” Other suspicious expenditures included $900 on male kegels equipment like ball lifts and shaft bands, plus $60,000 on puff paints from Michael’s Crafts, $20,000 on Kérastase Curl Crème, and a $29.99 yearly Manhunt membership. When asked for his thoughts on the investigation, Posen told WWWWD by phone, "I don't care. They're hot." –Anastasia Bogolepova

Check out Zac Posen's invaluable kegel lessons from The Body Issue

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Sugar High Leaves Suri Cruise Crashing

LOS ANGELES – After an embarrassing scene aboard Valentino’s yacht last August, parents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have checked their tot Suri into a strict no-sugar diet facility in Clearwater, Florida. “She was a complete lunatic,” explained the leathery couture designer. “She had Fruity Pebbles all over her body and was torturing my pugs." Rumors of the tot's excess first surfaced last month after she was seen downing lines of Pixie Sticks with Kingston Rossdale at the Build-A-Bear workshop at Beverly Center. "She kept screaming at the cashier to give her some Fun Dip, but we don't sell any candy here," said an employee with terrible body odor. Rossdale and Cruise were seen leaving soon thereafter on Rossdale's Power Wheels, heading to Maddox Jolie-Pitt's house where Rossdale claimed he had some "yummy rock candy." Ms. Cruise's mother, Katie Holmes, was unavailable for comment, reportedly being zapped by science beams somewhere in Los Angeles. –Nastya Lindor

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Social Butterfly Genevieve Jones to Launch New iPhone App, iNeedAttention

NEW YORK — Genevieve Jones, the socialite, jewelry designer, and fashion muse about town, has turned her talents to the technology sphere with the launch of a new iPhone application called iNeedAttention. "It would absolutely kill me when I found out I had missed an event where people were taking photographs," explains Jones. "I would think, I should have been in that photograph. That photograph would have been so much better with me in it. That girl is not as good in that photograph as I would have been. So I swore I would never have that feeling again.” That's when Jones teamed up with Alec Joernog, a leading iPhone application programmer, and created iNeedAttention. The breakthrough program finds the nearest publicity event, upscale party, or art gallery opening and tells users the fastest way to get there. The app has already caught on with the downtown society set—Amanda Lepore, Alan Cumming, Sean Lennon, and Byrdie Bell have all been known to ignore their dinner companions to use the application before suddenly leaving the table without paying the tab. –Leslie Burtynsky